How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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