I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
