My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
