i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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