so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
