We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
