Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
