Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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