I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
