she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
