So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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