She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
