Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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