Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so let's talk penis.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
