PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
