I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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