I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
