Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
