omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
