Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
this beer tastes like vomit already
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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