You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
