I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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