so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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