Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Randomize
