my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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