I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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