i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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