i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
