I feel great
I just peed on a car
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
