I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
