Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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