Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
50% drunk capacity currently
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
