I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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