We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
