i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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