K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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