i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
