new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize