I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
