Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
