Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
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how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
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There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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