I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
