kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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