Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
