wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
