u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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