What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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