She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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