Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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