The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
