Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
