I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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