Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
