Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
