life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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