omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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