just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
