If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
