Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
