Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
