i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
