She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
