At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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