I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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