RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
