We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
