i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize