I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Randomize
