i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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