haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
