If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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