please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
