I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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