My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want her autograph on my taint
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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