bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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