escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
