I'd wear matching sweaters with you
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
